Party of One

Solo Supper
Dining is often enjoyed not only for the food, but for the conversation. You just read that last sentence correctly, ByUrself has offically stated that some activities are done with others BUT ByUrself dining does have a time, place, and certain required finesse. This post will take you through the novice dining solo experience, The Diner.
Diners are a great place to make your entry into solo food consumption without the drone of conversation, spitting, or arguing over who pays (mostly because you are ByUrself so you BuyUrself any food ordered). That off the table - the monetary aspect is really the only draw back, or plus, if you are the one most likely to pick up the tab.
Chose a diner that is welcoming. This is a bit of an oxymoron but err on the side of caution. Are there specials in the windows? Is the parking lot populated? If the air surrounding the diner smells of bacon grease and the diner itself isn't falling apart - venture in.
Your first stop should be at the newspaper stand, or if they have newspapers folded up, grab one. It doesn't matter what time of day it is, it's good to have something to lose your gaze in (preferably not the odd beards or strange dress of a fellow diner.) Make your way to the counter. There's really no bad spot to sit but ByUrself would avoid the seat directly infront of the door. Two reasons, if this is a local spot, everyone that walks in will see the newcomer. Also, the draft and bells on the swinging door can be down right obnoxious.
Don't coward away in the corner but choose your spinning stool wisely.
Next: ordering. Diners are down home, so stick to the basics. Black coffee, OJ, something we've all heard of and no grande, venti, whatever's. You are here to enjoy the simplistities of life; yourself and a decent meal-so leave the confines of coffee house jargon behind. Quickly gaze around you and see what everyone's eating, offering a sure sign of 'what's good here?' while avoiding the ‘outing’ newcomer question. Clearly state your order and start reading the paper or book you've brought with you. It is acceptable to exchange a quick pleasantry with your neighbor, "hey, how's it going?" "How about that game last night?"* ONLY in reference to a TV or newspaper headline, or "good morning"/"have a good one." Don't get overly chatty with your neighbor unless it happens naturally. Ten-to-one, you picked this location for the same reason they did, to get a good meal without the hassle of involving a second or third party. When your food arrives - enjoy it. Savor the tastes and don't rush through the experience. Allow yourself to get lost in the meal and simply enjoy the food. Eating alone allows you to turn your attention from conversation to the sometimes overlooked main course. Don't feel the need to rush out once you're done. Linger around for another coffee, soda, or juice. Feel the isolated suspension of your spinning stool and capture the sensation of your feet dangling.
Dining, solo at a diner is a great way to ease the transition from reservations to none. Sharing a counter with fellow diners reinforces that you aren't truly all alone in your dining experience and creates a commonality without the need for conversation.

Movie Moi

Take yourself on a date - a movie date that is! There's no better night out enjoyed with great company (yourself). Going to a movie ByUrself is beyond socially acceptable, it's practically encouraged! Think of it this way, movies are great as a first date for the following reasons: (1) it's dark. Ease awkward eye contact and long gazes by allowing the silver screen to dance off the profile of your face. The key here is you are sitting next to eachother not face-to-face, affording greater comfort all within your own self-contained seat space. (2) there is little to no talking during a movie. Another key component to enjoying the luminious glow solo. Read the following tips for insuring a pleasant evening out at the movies.
1. Purchase your ticket in advance using an online ticket distributor such as Fandango. You are NOT doing this step out of embarrassment, because after all, going to the movies with yourself is a ByUrself endorsed activity. You are simply taking advanced measures and dodging long lines. This move will also afford you more time at the snack counter.
2. Stop at the restroom. This is a key component to enjoying the entire movie by yourself and is often overlooked. You might think you can cut this corner, but I wouldn't. Here's the set-up. You are 45minutes into the action, packed, crowd pleasing thriller when the nagging need to use the bathroom overruns the shot sequence. You've got a big gulp on the left of you and popcorn on the right. Snow Caps are littering your lap. You are of course, ByUrself, so you have chosen the best seat in the theatre, smack in the middle. To exit, you'd need to cut in front of people - ok you think to yourself, not a big deal - I'd only be detracting from their view for a mere second. BUT, what about your beverage, what about the popcorn, can you really let those snowcaps melt to the floor? The answer here, a resounding NO. Go to the bathroom before. This insures that you and your snacks get through previews to credits.
3. Wash your hands and go to the snack counter. BuyUrself a snack and beverage, perhaps more then one snack if you like. Again, no need to feel ashamed of the hording, as everyone will assume you are simply purchasing for you and x, x, x (depending on how many snacks you can carry).
4. Picking the correct seat is integral to the movie experience and because you aren't anchored down horizontally, you have an easier time choosing an appropriate seat. This also allows you to watch the movie where you best view the screen from - some people enjoy up close and others a more panoramic view. Note those sitting in front and behind you. Will they be a distraction?
5. Once you've run the eye lap and committed to a location, spread out. ByUrself does not suggest monopolizing a row of seats but if the movie isn't a blockbuster hit and there's guaranteed space for all those in the theatre, put your coat on one of the flanking seats. This will allow you a bit more leg room and the advantage of two cup holders. Those who see you will automatically assume you are holding a seat and continue to an unoccupied space. Setting a buffer is part of the ByUrself experience, this is a movie, and there's really no need to have a stranger sitting right or left, next to you.
6. Open all candies, plastic bags, drinks, etc. during the previews. This avoids awkward noises and stares during the film.
7. When the movie has concluded, feel free to leave right away or stay for the credits. If you stay put for the roll of the credits, any naysayer will assume one or more of the following: (a) you are a movie buff and have seen every movie directed, produced, etc. by said movie, house. (b) you starred in the movie and are there to gain audience reaction and gauge the actual outcome. (c) your date has gone to the bathroom and you are waiting in the comfort of the theatre until you join up with him/her (no sense in loitering outside of the prospective restroom).
8. Occasionally your significant other might not want to see the same movie as you, affording you with a private viewing. This can strengthen conversation after you've watched your prospective movies.
9. Often times it is important to watch a movie that all of your friends have already seen so you can keep up with quotes and jokes. Thus, your movie going should be interpreted as a 'project' and you are merely doing the appropriate 'homework'.
10. Never feel intimidated. The movies are a great place to go and escape the normalcy’s of everyday life. It's dark. You can view a movie at any time of the day. Rain option (protecting you from the elements) heat option (offering you a chilled air-conditioned space). ByUrself also endorses matinees, a great way to dodge the office for a few hours!
*Going to the movies solo allows for quiet reflection without the nag of a girlfriend/boyfriend/elderly person asking you: what did he just say? what's going on? or the ever dreaded, snnooorrrr.
ENJOY IT.

ByUrself Pre-Approved Activities and Outings

Baseball

1. Going to a ballgame – Going it alone to a baseball game is totally and completely acceptable. Where else can you instantly have thousands of best friends slapping high-fives and offering you peanuts, that don’t even care to know your name? Baseball is after all America’s Pastime, so much so that you instantly feel at home sandwiched between two overweight guys, beer dripping down your shorts and the sun in your eyes…sounds like heaven. This is a great time to be jovial and chat it up with fellow fans but don’t expect to make lasting friendships. If you haven’t started talking to your nosebleed neighbor by the seventh inning then you’ve missed the window of opportunity. Also, be lighthearted in your approach and do not come out with any player hatred (unless on the opposing team) within the first three innings. It is important to also read your neighbor, are they here with the boys and ready to have a good time or are they keeping score and reprimanding their kids? All of these quick observations are key to having a great day at the park. As you are there alone it is also key to remain somewhat cognoscente of your surrounds and section/seat number. You by no means what to be thrown out of a game when you are enjoying solo so swig the beers along with plenty of food. Also, avoid creating a stir in your aisle by having to get up and down every inning. It is poor form to disrupt a row of audience for ONE person and thus do your best to avoid such situations or simply hold it. An advantage to taking in a game alone is the ability to leave whenever you would like. There is no call for conciseness if the game is slow-paced and drawing on and on or if it goes into fifteen innings, you are in control. This is an important factor in commuting as well and although you might not be able to take advantage of the HOV lane, at least you’ve got your own tunes.
Red Flag Warnings: things NOT to do at a baseball game alone, has been provided as a reference point.

REDFLAG WARNINGS:

1. Do not get overly drunk and steal a kids baseball – this will lead to section scorning and a terrible day/night at the park.

2. Do not attempt to start a wave or any other section cheer. If you are alone, your decibel won’t be strong enough so don’t even try. If you attempt a section wave people will be confused by your abrupt standing and arm flailing – simply avoid.

3. Do not bring signage of any nature to a baseball game in which you are flying solo…it only draws attention to you and unless you want people to believe you are there with the people flanking you, it is poor form. Also, the chance that you will be on TV, grows by 90% if you are carrying a sign, so unless you want all of America to know you couldn’t rustle up enough tickets/fan friends, leave the signs at home.

4. Do not yell obscenities, this goes for players or fellow fans. We add this as a caution similar to the ‘bar solo mission’ because we are trying to protect Solo Souls from the inevitable face ramming.

5. Solo fan-photos are a definite absolutely not , unless in the off case (.1%) that you have some ridiculously amazing backdrop and or celebrity/player in your photo. Trust us, your coworkers will not be impressed by you sitting in an olde wooden seat alone.


Museum Puttering

2. Museums are best if viewed alone and even if you are forced into a group visit, split up at the door and meet back at a prearranged location later. A museum is a great place to get lost in and you might as well be by yourself. Factors include the following: speed of reading (a huge point of contention), interest in art forms/exhibits (no one wants to be forced into a boring art instillation while you read every single caption), circumnavigation (if it is an interesting museum, it’s going to be busy, leave the antenna flag at home – along with your friends), movie viewing and or IMAX (“Fighter Pilot IMAX? Who’s in?” “sorry can’t…I get motion sickness”) PLEASE. One of the most annoying things EVER, if you happen to be in a group that doesn’t want to IMAX it, GO.IT.SOLO. And finally, the ‘this is boring when are we drinking’ visa-versa. If you find yourself hating the venue, the tourists or the exhibits it is great to have the ability to flea at a moments notice. Solo museum hopping is a welcome event when it's 'you' and the 'others'...enjoy being snobbish and well cultured.

Concert Going

3. Concerts are a debatable ByUrself activity and the gauge really hinges on concert type, venue and your personality. Concerts that involve aggressive tailgating are a sure sign of group involvement and unless you are wildly outgoing and the mood is light, we suggest you skip the tailgate and head to your seat, or ah, standing space. Super mellow concerts, held indoors in dark theatres are a fine solo event because they involve dim lighting and no talking. Your only rough patch might be intermission but this can easily be circumnavigated by visiting the WC, grabbing a drink, and or checking your blackberry (only to be done in the lobby). That said, a large arena concert is usually acceptable as well. Everyone sitting around you shares a common bond of enjoying the same music so light conversation can be sprinkled into the set list. If you have friends, ten to one you will know someone at the same venue, and it is socially acceptable to meet up with this person and share some 'community time'. The general public doesn't judge a 'byurself concert-goer' because everyone understands the ticket/customer ratio and thus seats are often times split. Regardless if this is your status or not, you can take comfort in the fact that going to a concert and taking in the tunes is an event you can enjoy without ramifications.

Social Solo

Social Solo-Butterfly
The social solo-butterfly requires two things: self-confidence and drinking. Do not be fooled, quaffing of a draft will not assist in social awkwardness in a public situation. Let’s get into the thick of things: drinking by yourself can be done in a tasteful way where the roaming eye of patrons doesn’t target you. There are strict rules to drinking alone, a guideline has been provided.

1. Pick an acceptable time – just like capturing the rays of a summer’s sun, timing is everything. Lunch hours, after work, and before the witching hour are all acceptable drinking time slots.

2. Choose the watering hole wisely – you do not want to go to a bar that doesn’t cater to the solo-cup holder. If you are in a new city strategically case the bar area, this can be done by using the restroom first. Never under any circumstances tie yourself down with a drink before you lay an eye on the horizon. Be casual and survey the scene, then order.

3. Rule 2/3 are interchangeable and target the layout of the bar area. A key to solo drinking is picking a seat that doesn’t put you in the center of activity but also doesn’t summon you to the corner. Commit to a location near a TV or at an angle that you can take in more then one monitor. Engaging in the surroundings allows you to blend in and gives your eyes a point of reference.

4. Supplies are necessary – bring the following: (1) modified reading literature – if you are on a work related trip something to browse or lose your gaze in for a few moments…nothing exceedingly large or important should be brought to the bar stool. (2) a mobile device* – a blackberry or iphone is an acceptable accessory for checking a quick email and also following up on a news event/checking what time the game starts. (3) *do not use your mobile device whilst at the bar – it’s in poor form to carry on a conversation over thirty seconds at a bar. If they were really that interested they’d be drinking with you and, reverting back to rule 1, self confidence is key, you don’t want patrons to think you are using a crutch.

5. Do not, under any circumstances engage the bartender in a long, drawn out conversation. Bartenders are just that, tenders of the bar. They are not ‘stand-in’ friends or a resource to current events. Brief words and friendly accolades are fine but a discussion of importance should not be solicited.

6. Speaking to other bar patrons is touch-and-go, and based on situation and need, the people sitting next to you could be a source of entertainment. ByUrself’s general rule is to remain somewhat aloof, not looking or denying the commencement of conversation. Other solo drinkers are usually confident enough to at least acknowledge each others presence and can gauge approval rating.

7. If a solo patron begins acting rowdy, remove yourself from their presence. You do not want to be associated with the town drunk and a new bar/situation could put you at a disadvantage. You do not want to plague yourself with their problems so if this situation arises, move seats in a strategy to ‘better see the TV screen’ or move bars entirely.

8. While drinking alone, do not order a round of shots for the bartenders. This action will only solidify your need for approval and create skepticism. If someone offers you a drink however, feel free to take it in the name of humanity.

9. If you are in a foreign location, do not offend the local yocals by wearing your teams baseball hat and or jersey on their turf – unless of course you are looking for a fight. This rule is only relevant in tense cities such as Boston and New York. This rule also only applies if you are drinking solo. It may sound interesting to create a stir but if you are truly on a solo flight, it’s better to attract attention to yourself in a positive light.

10. “Joe from Canada” – number ten rule is key to a smooth solo experience. If you are from out of town, don’t feel compelled to tell everyone present that you are, “from out of town.” Also, avoid asking people around you if they, "know your friend from middle school that moved here…I think…what was his last name?"

So-Lo-Lo Sports

So-Lo..Lo..lo
A list of socially acceptable solo flights can be found below broken up into subcategories for ease of reference:

Sports: The following sports can be played and enjoyed by being your own best friend.

1. Golfing: Golfing is ByUrself’s number one pick for solo flight. If you are a good golfer you can expedite a round and play through, allowing you to focus on your game without being hindered by the ‘fores’. If you are new to the links it’s also a safe bet, cutting down on irate club-hubs. It doesn’t matter how many balls or swings you miss because no ones watching. In a loose survey taken by ByUrself, we’ve found that most golfers actually play better when not being sidelined. This may raise the question of how one measures themselves against other golfers? By height mostly... Naked lady tees, Callaway Clubs…be the ball Danny.

2. Miniature Golfing: A great way to hone your skills and show off in front of the masses. Choose your ball color wisely and begin with a few active stretching skills such as the windmill club swing and a few lunges. Appropriate dress is required; golf shorts and polo shirt are preferable. We’ve logged this under ‘sport’ hence flip flops should be reserved for the beach. We also suggest crokies as most putt-putt courses have a water hazard.

3. Bowling: This sport has fallen as a point of contention at ByUrself. If you own your own multi-colored bowling shoes and or bowling ball then we find it socially acceptable to take up an alley, dawn a glove, and roll the cannonball. If you’re a hurler we suggest staying away from bowling alleys or at the very least sharing a lane. Bowling attracts a discerning eye, unless you are playing with bumpers and or candlepin bowling it’s best to go with a group. As a caveat, bowling alleys have a dicey reputation. The lingering smell of disinfectant, second hand smoke, floor wax, beer, motor oil, popcorn and 1970’s orange carpeting sets the scene for scrutiny. Take heed when going it alone, and visit the bathroom before taking to the lanes.

4. Running: Running is a sport that should predominantly be done SOLO because of the many variables that factor into the activity. Strides, arm-flailing, gates, panting, speed, deceleration and acceleration around corners, and overall running style is to be enjoyed alone. If you are carrying on a conversation with your ‘running buddy’ then you are clearly not running to your full capacity. This also factors in the two-abreast rule. Most times when a couple is observed running together they are taking up the full sidewalk, not allowing for the average pedestrian. Another aggravating couple running maneuver is striding, whilst talking, in the street. Running in the street should only be done when running alone, (the only socially acceptable method) or during a road race. Running and or jogging, flanked by a posse leads to car accidents and perturbed citizens.

5. Racquet Sports: As a general rule, any racquet sport should be played with at least one other athlete. The exception to this rule is practicing ones serve and or using a backboard. Backboards located at public parks are a 50/50 depending on situation and park popularity. Do not go to a backboard and play against yourself clad in tennis whites and a headband/armband. This just solidifies your inability to play tennis and to find a suitable partner. If the only thing that's returning your weak forehand is a painted green piece of particle board, join a club and take a lesson. There's less shame in paying for a partner. If you're good, it is socially acceptable to practice your serve and do a few quick laps (do not trace the lines of a tennis court and or drill yourself in suicides). Also, if the courts are filling up and you're monopolizing the baseline solo, it's a poor play to continue. Do not, ever, reserve a court for the aforementioned purposes. If you're that good, you have friends that can whack it back. If not, get to the courts early in the morning or late in the evening...the balls are yellow for a reason.
Squash - Another favored racquet sport must also be played with at least one other athlete. It is however socially acceptable to practice one's squash game alone, as the point of the game is to hit it off the wall there's really no need in warming up with a partner. Hand-eye coordination can also benefit from solo swings...do not however, mutter to yourself over missed swings or lack of talent as courts are usually adjoining and voices, even a solo voice, carries in a stark square room.

6. Fishing - A fantastic leisure activity to do by yourself while enjoying the peaceful, serene landscape. Spinning rod or fly fishing can be enjoyed while contemplating life, love, and dinner. A perfect escape from the social norm of peer invaded sports, methodical casting acts as a human metronome for rejuvenation and inner peace. Beyond that, the beer* is more plentiful, the casts further and the fish...bigger. No matter age, race, or ability, fishing is the perfect sport to tie one on, solo.

7. Sailing - A sailor? Good man...Sailing can and is frequently done alone. There is a slight risk to sailing solo as a drowning factor comes into play, but as long as you've got a PFD (please note: 'personal' as in, intended for the use of one (1)) and the wind at your back, jib, tack and drink*.

*Drinking - you may observe that many of these entries include a reference to libation of some nature. This is not to say that one must be inebriated in order to seek solitude in sport, yet merely to offer the same luxury afforded to those social activities done within the confines of a group. Drinking in some sort of moderation, done alone, is acceptable and is often a steady pairing while engaging in sport.

8. Cycling or Biking, if you aren’t training for the Tour - Cycling/biking should be enjoyed alone. Like running, there are many elements that factor into a successful cycling experience and ‘others’ just don’t equal into the equation. If one chooses to ride with others it requires one of the biking parties to follow, leading to an awkward view and or pacing problems. Biking two abreast is also an issue as the general flow of traffic comes into play and the inevitable swerving towards and away from each others spokes can lead to accident. Riding a bicycle, whether it be for ones job (bike courier), general transportation needs (to work in times of recession), competition (Iron Man training), or recreation (bike trails/training) spokes is a solo sport.
In addition, it is never proper to ride a tandem bicycle alone. It should either be walked or carried to a location where one can find an appropriate partner. It is extremely gauche to ride solo with the back wheels spinning freely and seat unoccupied. See entry on Unicycle for more information on finding a one wheeled, mono seated ride.

9. Swimming - A fantastic source of exercise and strong in the solo division. Swimming requires no other individual for success and therefore weights in heavily on the So-Lo-lo Sports list. The act of swimming requires no speaking, listening, or human contact and can be done in a number of settings. Just make sure you choose a lane wisely if swimming in a communal lap pool so as not to interfere with this sports individual appeal. Pool, pond, ocean, lake, or loch, crawl, butterfly, breaststroke, sidestroke or dead mans float, swimming is a great recreational activity enjoyed with no hesitation...unless of course you can't swim.

10. Kayaking - If you've got a PFD, hop in or on, and start paddling. ByUrself endorses solo kayaking and believes that tandem kayaking (1) slows down mph, (2) severely limits range of discovery, (3) requires a larger turning radius, (4) requires another person to (i) carry the kayak to water and (ii) to paddle the kayak. It is also in the right to rent a kayak by ones self, and should not be broached with any hesitation.

11. Skiing - A perfect way to spend a wintry day in the great outdoors. So-Lo-lo Sports pick for best activity done in the presence of others. Skiing requires equipment and basic balancing skills. If there was a sport catered to the individual and group it would be skiing and often times it's more beneficiary to hit the cord alone. Lengthy lift lines can be circumnavigated and this is the one time in a pressure filled society that it's ok to actually be single. Hop on a lift, say 'Hey' and gaze at a perfect bluebird day. Solo moves allow for speed and quick turns...no pizza french fries holding you back equaling more runs and less lift time. Take to the mountains...you have been gone too long...

12. Equestrian Events - Although you technically need a horse to participate in an equestrian event, at least if you want to put in a decent showing that is...horseback riding can be done alone. It's a great way of reconnecting with days of yore and bringing it back to the basic connection of man and horse. It also requires less planning and more time in the saddle exploring open countryside, wooded trails and sand drenched beaches. If horseback riding in an arena, every mount appreciates solo time to cut, jump and canter without directing traffic.

13. Archery - Or, for the plebian, toxophilite is a great way to hone ones hand-eye coordination and focus on the target. Archery requires a bow, an arrow and a target. The sport is one of focus, determination, functioning arms and moderate to good visual range, ranking it in at #13 of pre-approved ByUrself So-lo...lo Sports. No one will bat an eye when they see you take up the powerful bow, nock the arrow, raise and draw the bow and take dead aim.

14. Cuesports - Billiards is a great sport to engage in by oneself as long as you are in the privacy of your own residence or there is no wait for a table at the pool hall. Solo play is critical in honing ones skills and perfecting the angles. A game rich in tradition and played widely throughout the world, a true pastime in all walks of life. Thomas Jefferson could even attest to the importance of a once illegal game, having a solid billiards game is crucial and practicing, even more so. Drill yourself and mix things up. Make sure you have at least one trick shot in your repertoire (the practicing of such should be done alone) because the better you are at pool the more lucrative you will become and the more girls you’ll attract. Country club or country watering hole – you don’t have to look hard to find the great felt equalizer.

Pre-Approved ByUrself Accolade

Self High Five, also loosely referred to as the 'mano-a-mano'(Spanish for 'hand-to-hand') is one of the most underappreciated forms of high five mostly because it is done in solitude and when a second party is unavailable. The ‘self-high-five’ is formed by raising one hand, right or left depending on ambidexterity above the head at a slightly acute angle. Once formed, the imposing hand waits for the slower rise of the alternate hand and both palms are met above the head. Done in a celebratory fashion when honoring one’s own accomplishments or narrowly escaping a misfortune; this gratifying sign can be observed in offices, driving, and in public when surrounded by strangers and or derelicts. There is no need for a second party and therefore it is always appropriate to engage in a ‘self high five’ because of its 100% committal/approval rating.

ByUrself

Welcome to ByUrself, a website that provides clear cut designations between socially acceptable activities to do by ones self and activities better suited for a side-kick/group.
ByUrself stands as a gauge for measuring actions and their regard within an audience.